Violated

I am having a very difficult afternoon.  Packing today to get ready for a long anticipated retreat weekend, I realized that I had been robbed.  I don’t know when or who but the more I search for things the more I am finding missing.  It started with a very expensive lens for my work camera that I chalked up to my slowly declining mind and made peace with the disappearance believing that perhaps it was inadvertently left at a photo shoot and long gone.  Then today, I opened a cabinet in my office to pack a small camera to take along this weekend and it is gone too.  The extra lens and the charge cord too.  ALL GONE.

Trying to be adult and not get overly emotional I did a good job not to cry.  I lamented to my understanding husband and continued with my chores with this really sucky feeling hanging over me.  As I made an attempt to take a “happy” walk with my husband and three dogs I had to voice my feelings once more.  This is not the first time I have been robbed.  Unfortunately it has happened more times than I wish to believe.  The feelings are always the same.  Anger, disbelief, a sense of being violated and unsafe.  There have been times when I have known the thief.  This time I do not.  So my husband asked if I had checked other things that might have gone missing; jewelry for example. I said I had checked quickly but it appeared to all be there.

I shared a story of being robbed in NYC and the thief leaving a ring that they thought could have been a wedding ring.  Thoughtful right!  Well, it did mean a lot to me but it was not a wedding ring. My parents bought me that ring on a trip to Florence, Italy on the Ponte de Vecchio.  I loved that ring.  As I was telling him I had this nagging feeling that I did not recall seeing that particular ring in my cursory look.  Picking up my step to get home a minute quicker that normal I made my way to the jewelry box.  The ring was gone.  So now I am experiencing these feelings twice in one day.

I know these are just things.  They can always be replaced.  The ring less so than the camera.  The people, my husband, parents, dogs, friends… THE PEOPLE and the relationships I have are of true value so I am going to be grateful for those diamonds and pearls in my life and let go of the things I can no longer have because some selfish and self seeking person took them from me.  Whoever you are, you may have my things but you can’t have what is MOST precious to me.

Maybe they blessed you in some way.  Paid your electric bill or cell phone.  Maybe you bought food for your kid.  Maybe you make a rent payment to keep a roof over your head.  I just hope you didn’t snort, swallow. blow or inject it.  You are someone who needs help and I pray you find it.  I pray you don’t hurt someone else the way you hurt and violated me.  I don’t like you.  I don’t want to know you or ever think of you or see you.  But I will forgive you.

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