I shot this photo of my husband and me on our honeymoon in Italy. This was taken in a park in Venice. I have always loved shadows and I take a photo of my husband and I kissing like this everywhere we go. Isn’t it romantic?!
Is it time to say goodbye to someone? Is it time to cut the ties? Why do we find it hard to get out of relationships with those who don’t support us?
I think, for one thing, that we as humans maintain a “herd” instinct. It’s comforting to be one of the tribe or pack. To have family, friends, others near us to help us grow. These relationships can be particularly strong especially at the beginning of a journey. But what happens as we grow and change?
The reality is that some of these people we feel the closest to don’t really support us. This lack of support can be quite subtle yet we hang on for years before we accept, realize or really see that the relationship is not helping us but rather holding us back. Why do we stay then? Maybe it’s the comfort of the longtime relationship and the history you have with the person. Maybe we are afraid of what will happen to ourselves or the other person if we disengage. Nonacceptance and subtle putdowns can be powerful deterrents to our growth. When we don’t get the love and support we need we can lose our inner peace.
If you feel that you are ready to move on, even if the other person is not, you may have to simply retreat with a smile, and gradually but resolutely reduce their presence in your life. When we accept and realize that all ties and friendships are there for a purpose and not always meant to last forever we free ourselves and live more authentically. It takes a certain grace to recognize when the time for a disabling is over and bow out and move on.
Now maybe we are not at the point where cutting ties is the right thing to do but we still feel a level of lack of support that cause us strife. What then? Well first, I think we need to look at what kind of support we are desiring. Is it,
For the people whom you really want to show active support (for example, from your partner, your best friend, your parents) but who aren’t giving you that, a heart-to-heart talk is in place.
Let them know that this goal you’re working on now is something that’s very important to you. Because of that, you want to share it with the people who are most important to you, which would be them. Let them know you are currently in a crucial place in your goal (such as if you’re in the beginning phases), and their support would mean the world to you in helping you succeed.
While you’re doing this, let them know specifically the kind of support you would like to get from them. This should be support which only they can give you, and no one else can. As per my suggestion above, it’s not realistic to expect your friends and family to be the sole providers of all the support you need for your goal – your support requests should reflect the absolute kind of support you need from them.
When those closest to you do discourage you remember to focus your energy on your goals. Whether others provide support for you or not should be a secondary factor, not a primary one. Great if they can give you support — cherish that and make the best out of it! If not, appreciate what you can get from them, while at the same time learn to redirect your support needs elsewhere. And don’t be afraid to move on! It may be their fear that is coming through.
Now go make your dreams a reality!
Since the beginning of the year I have started my journey into understanding the Grace afforded us by God. In Second Corinthians 12, we find Paul pleading with God to take away his weakness yet God responds to him saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” God is not saying I will or I won’t. He is asking Paul to trust Him – there is a greater plan, one that will glorify God and showcase the awesome power of Jesus.
I have read the Book of Job several times in my life. And again, I am convicted in it’s “living word”. As I read through it THIS time and with my desire to understand more fully what grace means, I see more of this appearing to me in Job. Both Paul and Job suffered insults, hardships, persecution and calamity. Both remained faithful. Their perseverance is an example of how to respond to suffering. Remaining faithful and doing things God’s way as Joyce Meyer writes will, “give you double for your trouble. ”
God does not give us trouble-free lives nor does he delight in our suffering. God does not answer all our questions because he wants us to remain humble and rely on his grace. But God does reassure us that he is with us in our times of trouble and weakness. Like the serenity prayer says, “God grant me the wisdom to ACCEPT the things I cannot change.” To accept is an action, it is DOING something – even if that something is causing us pain (emotional or otherwise). Leaning into God’s word and praying for the circumstances of our lives may be all we are asked to do in a situation and trust that is better than forcing a change of our own will. This to me is the major reality of the book of Job. The inscrutable mystery of innocent suffering. God ordains that His children walk in sorrow and pain, sometimes because of sin, sometimes for chastening, sometimes for strengthening, and sometimes to give opportunity to reveal His comfort and grace. But there are times when the compelling issue in the suffering of the saints is unknowable because it is for a heavenly purpose that those on earth can’t discern.
I have come to recognize that as I spend time each year with the word and verse I want to dig my teeth into that it is not always pleasant. When I am in the fire I wonder why I asked of this in the first place but then I get days like today when I am brought to a deeper understanding. I am affirmed that God’s grace really is sufficient and I can feel it. I am asking to make the lessons I want to learn more effective in a sense. It’s like praying for patience. You probably have a some troubles in your life that require you to have more patience, so by praying for more patience it may not be taking the problems away more quickly, it may be shining a light on them that only magnifies it and can feel like more trouble rather than less. It’s allowing you to grow and experience more “ah-ha” moments that will strengthen our faith.
Since January 1, I have been humbled and brought to my knees as I have been shown just how poorly I handle weakness. I want to control everything and dominate people and situations that should be left to God to work out. My job is only to trust and pray. So I close with the reminder from the Psalmist, “The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.”
I am guilty. How about you? Are you a ruminator?
So I have these situations and problems that I obsess over every day. I don’t want to, really I don’t. My morning ritual once the house is empty is to meditate and then do my bible reading and praying. You’d think that I’d be ready for the day then after all that mind, body and spirit empowerment. Nope. Sadly, it’s a minute by minute struggle for me to break my negative thinking.
Rumination is when you dwell on a situation that didn’t go your way and the more you try NOT to think about it, the more obsessed with it you become. Believe it or not, science says it’s wired into our DNA. Ruminating also can make you sick. There was a study done in Germany that showed rumination boosts the body’s production of cortisol, a stress hormone. If these levels stay elevated and our bodies are not able to release them, we can get the flu. When we rehash our problems over and over in our minds, we make ourselves miserable. Rumination leads you to feel more pessimistic, anxious and out of control. So if I feel this way about my situation then how do I solve the problem?
I found these suggestions helpful to me and I hope you find them helpful as well to break free from negative thinking and begin to feel happier as you clear your mind.
Live by the 15 minute rule. Yup, set aside 15 minutes a day to ruminate! I guess I have to add that to the morning routine now. If you begin to dwell on it again after that 15 minute approved time, write it down and remind yourself you will think about it later. Then turn back to the present moment.
Solve, don’t stew. Make a plan. Note what you can control and take action on what you can take action on.
Focus on the body, move. It’s hard to obsess when you are concentrating on your body. Exercise also helps lower those nasty cortisol levels. Even a few jumping jacks or some yoga poses will help balance emotions.
Keep it fun! If you are looking for an activity to get your mind off those nasty ruminating thoughts, choose activities you find enjoyable, mentally challenging and calming.
Find a friend. Distractions will pull us away from ruminating. What better than time with a friend. Just don’t spend the whole time whining with the wine!
Here’s to living healthy!
Tell the truth
why? nobody does
Tell the truth
why? doesn’t matter
Tell the truth
why? who cares
real news – fake news- lie – cheat – steal
race to the top – race to the front
doesn’t matter how just do it
we hear what we want to hear and create the truth we want to believe
children no longer live with honesty so truth and justice are lost
Truth… who’s truth
my truth, your truth, society’s truth, the truth of the day…
Once in awhile I am blessed with watching this site from my back door. My husband and I live on a beautiful piece of property that sits on a marsh in Charleston, SC. The views we have at sunrise and sunset, on cold days and warm, at high tide and low – are are equally stunning and capture a feeling and emotion that I breathe in every day. As I have written in an earlier blog post, I choose a word to live with each year and in 2017 my word is “GRACE.” When this challenge appeared to find something we thought was graceful it was hard because that brings up so many pictures in my head and could post countless images of people, places and things that I consider to have grace. Grace-ful to me has movement – elegant, fluid, natural. That is what I see in this photo. I hope you enjoy my view!
Pretty big topic! Relationships is defined as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. Reading this I would venture to guess you didn’t well up with any kind of emotion – positive or negative. But you sit with the word, you conjure the different ways this word works in your life, the images of people and things you have relationships with and my guess is you will “feel” lots of emotions depending on the who or what that thought is related to. A good relationship is more than something we want—it’s something we need to be our happiest, healthiest, most productive selves. But at home or work, supportive, fulfilling relationships don’t come automatically. They take an investment in time and energy as well as social skills that can be learned.
Today is a big day for our country. Every four years we see a peaceful change of power. We see our democracy in action and we witness not only how others deal with these changes but how we ourselves feel and deal with them. Today, there are some people in our country who are protesting. There are others who are sitting in rooms quietly weeping. And still others, who are feeling grateful and thankful that there may be something better in our country’s future. I am not going to get into my politics here but just focus on where relationship fits in to this picture of not only our nation but our lives.
To me, relationships are my most valuable possession. I was created specifically for one very special relationship, the one with my God. There is a connection a cord that binds each of us that is unique. My personal relationship with Jesus is as unique as I am and when I am slaying my dragons, or being tempted to sin or when I feel that my trials are more than I can handle, I must trust in the faith of that relationship and know that He will show up and I will experience the comforting presence of His word in my life and heart.
My prayer today is that all of us, no matter what we believe will remember that we are connected and to treat each other with kindness and compassion. Let’s search for something in common and hold on to that. Make a sincere effort that goes beyond our differences to find a connection. I am going to make a conscious effort to wake up each morning with the mission to spread love and kindness to all those I meet. I hope you will join me.
Make it your daily mantra to find ways to Spread Love and Connect to everyone you meet during the day. ~Tejal Patel of Astitva Seekers
Here is a quick list of just a few things that came up when I thought about relationships and connections.
So as Americans today I greet you with a warm smile, an outstretched hand or arms to hug and am grateful we are all alive today to be able to wake up, Breathe in and live each moment as our best selves.
“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’…I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together. ”
In honor of the man who had that noble dream, here are five thoughts on the true power of dreams. (Huffington Post)
1) Dreams give us vision. Our dreams can take us from chaos to clarity, and eventually to concept. Keep a dream journal to start understanding the language of your unconscious. Look for recurring symbols that may offer a meaningful perspective on an issue you may be struggling with. After a night filled with vivid dreams, jot or doodle down as many images or thoughts you can remember. Symbols may emerge as guides in your daily life, as well as creative allies, leading to self-realization and fulfillment.
2) Dreams can bring direction to our detours. We’ve all had things in life that haven’t worked out as we planned — a breakup, a breakdown, a loss, a setback — everyone deals with “detours” in their path. A detour is many things — unexpected, a nuisance, difficult, hard to grapple with, frustrating — but it can be beautiful. When the road looks like a dead-end, our dreams can create new pathways for us to travel along. Dreams help us find the beauty in “not knowing” by bringing images and sensations into our awareness that we might not be able to grasp onto ourselves, when trying to navigate our detoured route. Dreams have the power turn our “detours” in life into everyday blessings.
3) Dreams give us faith that healing is possible. They show us the potential of the human spirit. As Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger, says, “I have come to the conclusion that human beings are born with an innate capacity to triumph over trauma. I believe not only that trauma is curable, but that the healing process can be a catalyst for profound awakening — a portal opening to emotional and genuine spiritual transformation. I have little doubt that as individuals, families, communities, and even nations, we have the capacity to learn how to heal and prevent much of the damage done by trauma. In so doing, we will significantly increase our ability to achieve both our individual and collective dreams.”
4) Dreams fuel the fierce drive to bring our passion into the world. Dreams come from our innermost desires. They tell us not necessarily how we’ll get there, but why we need to get there. Once we have the “why”, the “how” will work itself out. All we need is that fierce conviction that can only come from dreams to act as our compass. Keep dreaming — Remember: Martin Luther King Jr. once gave a riveting “I have a dream” speech. It was NOT the “I have a plan” speech! How can it create the world of your dreams?
5) Dreams remind us who we are. Our dreams are the seeds that God plans for us, where our intuition whispers to us, and where we can find an anchor to our place in the world — even if we are “displaced” from it. In our dreams, we can find our way back home. After almost losing my own life, my dreams are now my safe place, where I can mingle with myself and with God. They are my Velcro to the universe and an ever-flowing fountain of faith, replenishing my trust in life whenever circumstances may make me afraid. Dreams dreamed me back into life.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
Faith is believing, without proof that something exists or that something will happen. Faith is the key that unlocks the treasure chest God has placed inside each and every one of us, the key that unlocks the doors to endless opportunities. It takes faith to believe in even the most unproven things. Nothing in life can be achieved without first having the faith and belief that you can. The bible says without faith it is impossible to please God. He has given us all that we need to accomplish all that he desires for and from us. No matter what obstacles life may place before you, faith gives you the motivation to take that first step….even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
It takes a lot of courage to pursue your goals and dreams. Sometimes that path forward will be unclear and paved with many unknowns. This is where the importance of having faith comes in. We must have faith that the universe will place the necessary steps for our goals and dreams in front of us along the way. This belief can give us the courage to start taking action, and you can’t manifest all that you desire without action. Have the courage to simply begin. Embrace the journey and the unknown, practice faith, take consistent action and don’t quit!
APPLICATION
Grab some paper and write down a couple of things you have been reluctant to get started on do largely to a lack of faith in your ability to complete the entire staircase. Take into consideration all the different roles and aspects of our life, including work, social, family, etc…
Next to each item on your list, write down what the first step (or two, if you can see that far up the staircase) is or what action it involves. How difficult was that? As long as you know where the staircase will take you, and where the first step is, it shouldn’t be too difficult, if you faith.
Select one of your staircases, and get ready to climb. Look at what you wrote down for the first step in this staircase. Are there smaller steps within that step, or are there preparations you need to make before you start? Take a moment and think about that, and write down anything that comes to mind.
Now that you know what you’re doing and have an idea what steps are involved, the last two things are to do what research you need to do (presuming there are things you think you should know before starting up the staircase), and to actually take that first step.
Once you have taken the first step, feel free to repeat the process on paper for as many steps as it takes to become familiar with the process. Eventually, you will simply do them, because they will have become part of you and how you operate.
From time to time, things will go wrong. You will falter, you may even fall. But with faith in yourself, faith in the presence of the staircase, and faith in the next stair, and faith in God you will get there. And the journey is half the fun, isn’t it?
” I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” Martin Luther King Jr.
Hate built up over time can and will become toxic. Toxicity over time can and will consume us and we too will become toxic. We can rid ourselves of the toxicity of hate, but only if we are willing to do so.
Yes, it is true, we are not always treated fairly, we are not always treated with respect, in fact, we may have been mistreated, sometimes by the people whom we least expect, even by the very ones who are closest to us and are supposed to love us. As a result, we may feel justified in holding grudges, disliking…a lot, even hating; however, in doing so we are ultimately harming ourselves because this will become a cancer and in holding on to it we allow it to grow and fester, and ultimately it changes who we are. We then become full of anger and hate…just like the very person who we felt had wronged us. The Bible says in Matthew 5:44 that we should love our enemies. We should bless those who curse us, do good to those who hate us, and pray for those who spitefully use us and persecute us. We must learn to forgive. To love is to forgive and love is the most precious gift given to us. We can choose to stick with love by inviting that place within us where God dwells to take over. And recognize that God is love.
Let us all do a little soul searching today; if you find any sense of hate, lingering in the corners of your mind, and we know that it can disguise itself quite well, shine the light of love on it and watch it disappear. After all, darkness cannot exist in the presence of light. Hate can only exist in the darkness and where there is a sense of separation from God, who is the Light.
Although you cannot make anyone love you, they cannot make you hate them. It is a conscious decision and we have the knowledge, freedom and willpower to make that choice. Yes, I, too, have decided to stick with love…How about you???
“To travel is to live.” – Hans Christian Andersen
I have a confession to make, I’m a traveler at heart.
Sometimes I fantasize about wandering the globe with my journal and my camera, staying in Italy a month, off to Australia for half the year then slowly hopping my way around the world. But life has a way of rooting us down. Maybe it’s a family obligation like raising children or caring for a family member. It could be a job, liking what is familiar or simply convenience that keeps us from wandering. Whatever the reason you have for staying in one place, make sure to schedule time away. Time to explore a new city or to simply relax. We all need it — our bodies, minds, and soul. Being away from home feeds our souls. I know that because each time I go, I come back changed for the better. I have a new pearl, a new understanding, a new perspective that enriches my life at home. Did you know that travel also provides a variety of surprising personal and health benefits. Studies show travel leads to a greater learning capacity, increased feeling of happiness and satisfaction, better family relationships, and even decreased risk of heart disease. A nine-year study of 12,000 men found that those who took at least one vacation per year were 30% less likely to die from heart disease. Another study showed individuals who didn’t take a vacation were twice as likely to have a heart attack. Travel is also linked to a lower risk of depression. A 2005 study showed significantly decreased risk of depression among 15,000 women. Travel is a learning experience. The new cultures, cuisines, sights, and sounds provide countless opportunities to experience and learn something new. Just being in another country increases the traveler’s knowledge and intercultural awareness. It’s common knowledge that travel helps to bring people together by building lifelong memories. Couples are strongly and positively affected by trips taken together. More than 75 percent of adults credit travel with improving their interpersonal relationships. Studies show family travel can also significantly reduce behavioral problems and illness in children.
A vacation or time off provides time for your body and mind to relax. We live in a work obsessed culture especially here in the US. Somehow we get tricked into thinking that we don’t need down time and if you do think you need it or want to take it we are made to feel badly for it. But we all do. Studies have even shown that taking a vacation makes you a more productive worker. Schedule in that time to go away and relax.
2. Disconnect.
Taking yourself out of the normal day-to-day routine of life allows you to unplug in a way a “stay-cation” doesn’t. When you’re home, there’s always something to do: cleaning, laundry, home repair. On vacation, none of that applies. Someone else will do it all. Let your job be – HAVE FUN!
3. Reflect.
Being removed from your normal every day life gives you a fresh perspective on life. In the daily grind of life, it’s easy to get caught always looking at the next thing on the to-do list. Stepping out of that allows us to see the bigger picture of our lives, where we are and where we want to go. It gives us a chance to dream, wish, explore and break some habits.
4. Create.
Getting out of the normal routine and into a vacation or holiday space, is an invitation to open up to your own creative mind. Creativity is hard to manufacture on demand. It needs space and time. You will be surprised at how walking along the beach,biking, lying in the sun or hiking a mountain trail can stimulate your creative juices. Problems at home or at work that may be consuming you can begin to uncover some clarity and answers or solutions can manifest when given the time and space to come through.
5. Play.
Reconnect with your inner child. Allow yourself to have fun. Sing or dance or just allow yourself to be playful and silly. You will thank you!
Many years ago I took my son to the beach to surf and snapped this photo. It was a cold morning and he was pumped to get out there in his wet-suit to enjoy the ocean he so loved. We had moved to the beach from the mountains of Virginia so the joy of not having to wait for a vacation to see Grandparents and visit the beach was heaven to him. He wanted me to take my camera so I could get a few shots of him catching a wave. This photo was taken moments before he heading into the water. I love how he is taking it all in! To this day, my now 24 year old son, still puts on the wet-suit on those cold days and heads to the beach for some time in the surf. I just don’t have to drive him anymore.
practical insanity 