Personal Growth – A Path of Transformation

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Remember when you were a kid in elementary school or junior high and looking at the kids older than you?  Remember discussing with your best buds that you knew how if felt to be in that grade even though you had NO experience what so ever? You could picture yourself there no questions asked and who cared when it would really happen and we were really in no great rush to get there either.  But now, well, we are all grown up and for some reason, somewhere along the way, we have put pressure on ourselves to know everything right now!

I like to envision life as my school.  I am always learning something, always growing, always changing.  With this path of transformation that we all are on, I believe it does not look the same for any one of us.  Each of us is unique.  We have unique DNA, unique combinations of interests, hopes, desires, personalities and more.  Like a snowflake, no two are alike yet we are all human and have our humanity in common.  So we all walk this path and I think there are some principals that stay true for all of us, and maybe we can rest in knowing where we are in our process so that we can give ourselves permission to enjoy the process without the stress of having to know everything RIGHT NOW!  If we are gentle with ourselves and accept that we are right where we need to be on our path we can be present to the moment and not miss anything.  It’s okay to think about or anticipate the “what’s next” so we are ready for it but try not to “live” in it or spend too much time thinking about it.  And when it comes to the people in our lives, remember they are on their own path and try not to interfere.  Interacting out of a place of compassion and understanding will create harmony rather than discord.

So let’s look at this path and imagine there are stepping stones along the way.  Each stone is a place on your journey of transformation.

  1. Darkness
  2. Dawning
  3. Becoming
  4. Accepting
  5. Sharing

1. Darkness

What do I mean by “darkness”?  In the dark it is hard to see, right.  It’s the same with transformation.  If we are in the dark we are living with fear. We are allowing others to have control over us.  Placing blame, fearful thinking, worry, having a victim mentality and a overall lack of enthusiasm are all part of being in this darkened state of being. It is when we begin to realize this that we can forge on.

2. Dawning

When we are ready to take the next step it is like a dawning occurs.  There is light. We “wake up” and being to see the unhealthy patters in our lives.  It is now that we start learning about our true, authentic selves.  We wake up and ask questions. We look for answers and begin to learn that our experiences are not random.

3. Becoming

Now we can start our change!  We can move from the light and questioning to actually doing something and making changes that will fundamentally change how we live each day.  It is not enough to just be aware.  To truly transform, we must change behaviors and beliefs.  We must change the voice or narrative in our heads.  If we do the work of letting go of patterns and ideas that no longer serve us, seek guidance and help to gain tools for transformation we can make things happen!

4. Accepting

So here we are finally at a point where we have cultivated new habits and live in a place of self acceptance.  We are by no means perfect, don’t get me wrong.  There will always be work to do and things to learn but we have come to a place where we have fully let go of our “dark” selves and have embraced a healthier, more authentic version of ourselves free of self judgement or that of others.  We are happy with ourselves and have the tools to accept or change our lives.

5. Sharing

Now we can move out of complete self focus to the world around us.  This phase is about a bigger picture. Changing the lives of others!  When we are happy it is easy to want to share the love we feel. Just remember that sharing does not mean forcing yourself, opinions or judgements on others.  They are on their path too!  Remember the compassion and understanding component here!

Finally, I believe this idea may not work for everyone in every situation, but it might help put perspective in our desire to find transformation.  These phases are for life!  Each one takes time and there are lots of opportunities for learning and growth within each one.  I think a key is to be grateful, patient and aware wherever you are.  I also believe we never fully finish our transformation.  That at the end of our lives we are on the path ready for the unknown, but always on our personal quest for further self-discovery.

 

 

 

Ash Wednesday – Beginning of Lent and a 40 Day Challenge

Bread and water during lent. (Photo by: Godong/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

Lent is a time of reflection for many Christians, as they look back on and celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ.

For Christians, this is a way to remember the time Jesus spent 40 days and nights alone in the desert, being tempted by Satan.

Ash Wednesday is the start of Lent, which is a day of penitence or cleansing of the soul.

Christians who attend Lent services will be marked with a cross of ashes on their forehead.

This symbol is based on a concept from the book of Genesis that humankind came into the world from dust, and will return to it upon death.

The following 40 days are taken as an opportunity to remember Jesus’ death – many give something up, and some take something on during this time.

I saw this on a European Website and thought I’d share it.  I think it has some great, easy to do things to keep us mindful this Lent.

What nice things can you do each day for the 40 day Lent challenge?

When does Lent start and what is the 40 day Lent challenge?
(Picture: Getty)

1st March – Engage in conversation with the people who serve you (e.g. shop keepers)

2nd March – Say thank you to someone as they work and say how much you appreciate them

3rd March – Call in on an elderly neighbor – take some cake, have a cup of tea and a chat

4th March – Shop locally and support local farmers, local veg growers and local shops

5th March – Show some love to your neighborhood and pick up litter or see if there is anything more you can recycle at home

6th March – Hold doors open for those behind you

7th March – Smile at people

(Picture: Lucas Alves Magalhães) Man Is Shocked When His Dog Walks In With A Weird New Smile
(Picture: Lucas Alves Magalhães)

8th March – Be a nice driver – spread road-calm!

9th March – Email / write to a local charity you think does a great work and thank them and those who volunteer

10th March – Take time to pray for your neighbors

11th March – Spread the niceness on Facebook and Twitter – compliment some of your friends

12th March – Set up a Blessing Bag – a bag of items you keep in your car that can be used to bless other people

13th March – Write a letter to a local emergency service and thank them for the work they do

14th March – Say hello to people

15th March – Look at joining or setting up a Neighborhood Watch scheme

16th March – Spot ways of helping people and do it

17th March – Go on a thankful walk – see all the positive things you can be thankful for in your neighborhood

18th March – Buy Fairtrade where you can today

A person shows unroasted fairtrade coffee beans during the exhibition "World of coffee", on June 27, 2013, in Nice, southeastern France. AFP PHOTO / JEAN CHRISTOPHE MAGNENET (Photo credit should read JEAN-CHRISTOPHE MAGNENET/AFP/Getty Images)
(Picture: Getty)

19th March – Take a single person (elderly person, single mum…) out for Sunday lunch

20th March – Consider investing some time volunteering – could you give 24 hours over the next year?

21st March – Commit to collect used stamps for The Leprosy Mission

22nd March – Catch a bus (#Do1NiceThing for the environment) and say thank you to the bus driver

23rd March – Give a drink to a homeless person

24th March – Email / write to your MP and say thank you for representing you and that you are praying for them

25th March – Take a prayer walk round your neighbourhood

Mothering Sunday 26th March – Take some flowers to mothers and grandmas on your street

27th March – Buy seeds ready to create a wildlife garden (or tub or window box!)

2017 wedding flower trends
(Picture: Wild Renata Flowers)

28th March – Look for ways to volunteer one hour of your time for someone else

29th March – Email your local councillors and say thank you for what they do and offer to pray for them

30th March – Take time to discover some new tourist attraction in your area (eg wildlife park, play area, etc)

31st March – Give away a book you think is worth reading

1st April – Pay for the drink of the person behind you in a coffee shop

2nd April – Write some inspirational messages on Post-It notes and randomly leave for people to find

3rd April – Help someone down the stairs or hold open a door for someone with a pram

4th April – Sit in a coffee shop and chat to some strangers or pay for a strangers’ drink

5th April – Offer your skills to someone else for free

6th April – Write a letter to the boss of someone who has given excellent customer service to tell them so

7th April – Clear out unwanted items and give to a charity shop

8th April – Organize a free car wash for your community

When does Lent start and what is the 40 day Lent challenge?
(Picture: Getty)

Palm Sunday 9th April – Thank people for the virtues they have

10th April – Send flowers to a friend as a thank you for your friendship

11th April- Give an inspirational book to someone you don’t know

12th April – Take a box of chocolates to work and say thank you to your colleagues

Maundy Thursday 13th April – Easter Weekend – Provide someone with a service

Good Friday 14th April – Put spare change in a charity box

15th April – Visit a local shop you have not visited before or in a while (support locally!)

Easter Sunday 16th April – Get together with others to organise a community or church Easter Egg hunt

Credit: Love Your Streets

Finding Body Bliss

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I am an asthmatic.  I was diagnosed when I was a young child and have had quite a roller coaster journey with this disease.  I have learned to live my life within the limitations of my compromised lungs and at 53 I am happy to say I am the healthiest I have been in my life which includes how I view myself.  Here are a few things I have learned on my journey to a healthy body image;

The scale does not determine your self-worth.

I am actually heavier than I have ever been except for when I was pregnant.  Muscle weighs more than fat so I am less concerned about the scale and happier with how healthy I am and how my clothes fit.  On the self-worth idea – your self-worth is also NOT determined by what you do for a living, where you live or how much money you have.

Enjoy what you eat and indulge a little too.

Over the years I have starved myself.  Binged and purged.  Counted calories and ate air blown popcorn like it was a protein.  Food is a fuel. You need healthy food to be healthy.  Learn to be creative in the kitchen.  And it IS okay to indulge once in awhile.  So if you are heading to your favorite Italian restaurant go ahead and enjoy that pasta.

Never be idle but LISTEN to your body.

Find a few workouts you like to do and change them up.  I love yoga and go as often as I can.  I also love my sessions at the gym with my trainer but that is a few days a week.  I also love kick-boxing and boot camp workouts that are fast paced and high energy when my lungs allow it.  Walking the dogs, bike riding, paddle boarding, hiking or any movement that gets your heart rate up and pumps some blood for 20 minutes is great for you body and mind. But if you do have one of those days where you don’t want to work out I think it’s important to listen to that intuitive voice and take the break if your body really needs it.

Appreciate NOW!

Don’t take any day for granted. Life is a gift so enjoy the present.  Remember that the past is over and you can’t go back and that the future hasn’t happened yet so it doesn’t serve you to worry about it.  Be present.  Be grateful even when things are tough.

Sleep is a powerful thing.

Remember when we were really young and our mom would tell us it was nap time?  Remember how much you hated the idea of stopping playing with your dolls or blocks to go back to bed?  Funny how we all grow up and WISH we could have naps!  I love a good nap.  Twenty minutes to re-energize in the afternoon or a great nights sleep – for me 8 to 9 hours makes me feel so much better.  If you have trouble falling asleep, drinking tea, taking a bath or using essential oils can really help.  I don’t have that problem! 🙂

 

 

 

 

A Kiss – Photography

A man’s kiss is his signature.
Mae West

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I shot this photo of my husband and me on our honeymoon in Italy.  This was taken in a park in Venice. I have always loved shadows and I take a photo of my husband and I kissing like this everywhere we go.  Isn’t it romantic?!

Unsupportive Relationships

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Is it time to say goodbye to someone?  Is it time to cut the ties?  Why do we find it hard to get out of relationships with those who don’t support us?

I think, for one thing, that we as humans maintain a “herd” instinct.  It’s comforting to be one of the tribe or pack.  To have family, friends, others near us to help us grow.  These relationships can be particularly strong especially at the beginning of a journey. But what happens as we grow and change?

The reality is that some of these people we feel the closest to don’t really support us.  This lack of support can be quite subtle yet we hang on for years before we accept, realize or really see that the relationship is not helping us but rather holding us back.  Why do we stay then?  Maybe it’s the comfort of the longtime relationship and the history you have with the person.  Maybe we are afraid of what will happen to ourselves or the other person if we disengage.  Nonacceptance and subtle putdowns can be powerful deterrents to our growth.  When we don’t get the love and support we need we can lose our inner peace.

If you feel that you are ready to move on, even if the other person is not, you may have to simply retreat with a smile, and gradually but resolutely reduce their presence in your life.  When we accept and realize that all ties and friendships are there for a purpose and not always meant to last forever we free ourselves and live more authentically.  It takes a certain grace to recognize when the time for a disabling is over and bow out and move on.

Now maybe we are not at the point where cutting ties is the right thing to do but we still feel a level of lack of support that cause us strife.  What then?  Well first, I think we need to look at what kind of support we are desiring. Is it,

  1. Moral support (support in terms of spirit)?
  2. Physical support (spending time with you, physical presence)?
  3. Emotional support (listening to you, understanding your problems, encouraging you on)?
  4. Intellectual support (ideas, recommendations, analysis)?
  5. Resource support (sharing contacts, loaning money, providing valid resources, etc)?

For the people whom you really want to show active support (for example, from your partner, your best friend, your parents) but who aren’t giving you that, a heart-to-heart talk is in place.

Let them know that this goal you’re working on now is something that’s very important to you. Because of that, you want to share it with the people who are most important to you, which would be them. Let them know you are currently in a crucial place in your goal (such as if you’re in the beginning phases), and their support would mean the world to you in helping you succeed.

While you’re doing this, let them know specifically the kind of support you would like to get from them. This should be support which only they can give you, and no one else can. As per my suggestion above, it’s not realistic to expect your friends and family to be the sole providers of all the support you need for your goal – your support requests should reflect the absolute kind of support you need from them.

When those closest to you do discourage you remember to focus your energy on your goals.  Whether others provide support for you or not should be a secondary factor, not a primary one. Great if they can give you support — cherish that and make the best out of it!  If not, appreciate what you can get from them, while at the same time learn to redirect your support needs elsewhere. And don’t be afraid to move on!  It may be their fear that is coming through.

Now go make your dreams a reality!

 

Perfect in Weakness & The Suffering of Job

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Since the beginning of the year I have started my journey into understanding the Grace afforded us by God.  In Second Corinthians 12, we find Paul pleading with God to take away his weakness yet God responds to him saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  God is not saying I will or I won’t.  He is asking Paul to trust Him – there is a greater plan, one that will glorify God and showcase the awesome power of Jesus.

I have read the Book of Job several times in my life. And again, I am convicted in it’s “living word”.  As I read through it THIS time and with my desire to understand more fully what grace means, I see more of this appearing to me in Job.  Both Paul and Job suffered insults, hardships, persecution and calamity.  Both remained faithful.  Their perseverance is an example of how to respond to suffering.  Remaining faithful and doing things God’s way as Joyce Meyer  writes will, “give you double for your trouble. ”

God does not give us trouble-free lives nor does he delight in our suffering. God does not answer all our questions because he wants us to remain humble and rely on his grace.  But God does reassure us that he is with us in our times of trouble and weakness.  Like the serenity prayer says, “God grant me the wisdom to ACCEPT the things I cannot change.” To accept is an action, it is DOING something – even if that something is causing us pain (emotional or otherwise).  Leaning into God’s word and praying for the circumstances of our lives may be all we are asked to do in a situation and trust that is better than forcing a change of our own will.  This to me is the major reality of the book of Job.  The inscrutable mystery of innocent suffering.  God ordains that His children walk in sorrow and pain, sometimes because of sin,  sometimes for chastening, sometimes for strengthening, and sometimes to give opportunity to reveal His comfort and grace. But there are times when the compelling issue in the suffering of the saints is unknowable because it is for a heavenly purpose that those on earth can’t discern.

I have come to recognize that as I spend time each year with the word and verse I want to dig my teeth into that it is not always pleasant.  When I am in the fire I wonder why I asked of this in the first place but then I get days like today when I am brought to a deeper understanding.  I am affirmed that God’s grace really is sufficient and I can feel it.  I am asking to make the lessons I want to learn more effective in a sense.  It’s like praying for patience.  You probably have a some troubles in your life that require you to have more patience, so by praying for more patience it may not be taking the problems away more quickly, it may be shining a light on them that only magnifies it and can feel like more trouble rather than less.  It’s allowing you to grow and experience more “ah-ha” moments that will strengthen our faith.

Since January 1, I have been humbled and brought to my knees as I have been shown just how poorly I handle weakness.  I want to control everything and dominate people and situations that should be left to God to work out.  My job is only to trust and pray.  So I close with the reminder from the Psalmist, “The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.”

 

Release Rumination

charlies-brown-rumination

I am guilty.  How about you?  Are you a ruminator?

So I have these situations and problems that I obsess over every day.  I don’t want to, really I don’t.  My morning ritual once the house is empty is to meditate and then do my bible reading and praying.  You’d think that I’d be ready for the day then after all that mind, body and spirit empowerment.  Nope.  Sadly, it’s a minute by minute struggle for me to break my negative thinking.

Rumination is when you dwell on a situation that didn’t go your way and the more you try NOT to think about it, the more obsessed with it you become.  Believe it or not, science says it’s wired into our DNA.  Ruminating also can make you sick. There was a study done in Germany that showed rumination boosts the body’s production of cortisol, a stress hormone.  If these levels stay elevated and our bodies are not able to release them, we can get the flu.  When we rehash our problems over and over in our minds, we make ourselves miserable.  Rumination leads you to feel more pessimistic, anxious and out of control.    So if I feel this way about my situation then how do I solve the problem?

I found these suggestions helpful to me and I hope you find them helpful as well to break free from negative thinking and begin to feel happier as you clear your mind.

Live by the 15 minute rule.  Yup, set aside 15 minutes a day to ruminate!  I guess I have to add that to the morning routine now.  If you begin to dwell on it again after that 15 minute approved time, write it down and remind yourself you will think about it later.  Then turn back to the present moment.

Solve, don’t stew.  Make a plan.  Note what you can control and take action on what you can take action on.

Focus on the body, move.  It’s hard to obsess when you are concentrating on your body.  Exercise also helps lower those nasty cortisol levels.  Even a few jumping jacks or some yoga poses will help balance emotions.

Keep it fun!  If you are looking for an activity to get your mind off those nasty ruminating thoughts, choose activities you find enjoyable, mentally challenging and calming.

Find a friend.  Distractions will pull us away from ruminating.  What better than time with a friend.  Just don’t spend the whole time whining with the wine!

Here’s to living healthy!

Honesty

brutal-honesty

Tell the truth

why? nobody does

Tell the truth

why? doesn’t matter

Tell the truth

why? who cares

real news – fake news- lie – cheat – steal

race to the top – race to the front

doesn’t matter how just do it

we hear what we want to hear and create the truth we want to believe

children no longer live with honesty so truth and justice are lost

Truth… who’s truth

my truth, your truth, society’s truth, the truth of the day…

 

Graceful – Photography

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Once in awhile I am blessed with watching this site from my back door. My husband and I live on a beautiful piece of property that sits on a marsh in Charleston, SC.  The views we have at sunrise and sunset, on cold days and warm, at high tide and low – are are equally stunning and capture a feeling and emotion that I breathe in every day.  As I have written in an earlier blog post, I choose a word to live with each year and in 2017 my word is “GRACE.”  When this challenge appeared to find something we thought was graceful it was hard because that brings up so many pictures in my head and could post countless images of people, places and things that I consider to have grace.  Grace-ful to me has movement – elegant, fluid, natural.  That is what I see in this photo.  I hope you enjoy my view!

Relationships

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Pretty big topic!  Relationships is defined as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.  Reading this I would venture to guess you didn’t well up with any kind of emotion – positive or negative.  But you sit with the word, you conjure the different ways this word works in your life, the images of people and things you have relationships with and my guess is you will “feel” lots of emotions depending on the who or what that thought is related to.  A good relationship is more than something we want—it’s something we need to be our happiest, healthiest, most productive selves. But at home or work, supportive, fulfilling relationships don’t come automatically. They take an investment in time and energy as well as social skills that can be learned.

Today is a big day for our country.  Every four years we see a peaceful change of power.  We see our democracy in action and we witness not only how others deal with these changes but how we ourselves feel and deal with them.  Today, there are some people in our country who are protesting.  There are others who are sitting in rooms quietly weeping.  And still others, who are feeling grateful and thankful that there may be something better in our country’s future.  I am not going to get into my politics here but just focus on where relationship fits in to this picture of not only our nation but our lives.

To me, relationships are my most valuable possession.  I was created specifically for one very special relationship, the one with my God.  There is a connection a cord that binds each of us that is unique.  My personal relationship with Jesus is as unique as I am and when I am slaying my dragons, or being tempted to sin or when I feel that my trials are more than I can handle, I must trust in the faith of that relationship and know that He will show up and I will experience the comforting presence of His word in my life and heart.

My prayer today is that all of us, no matter what we believe will remember that we are connected and to treat each other with kindness and compassion.  Let’s search for something in common and hold on to that.  Make a sincere effort that goes beyond our differences to find a connection.  I am going to make a conscious effort to wake up each morning with the mission to spread love and kindness to all those I meet.  I hope you will join me.

Make it your daily mantra to find ways to Spread Love and Connect to everyone you meet during the day. ~Tejal Patel of Astitva Seekers

Here is a quick list of just a few things that came up when I thought about relationships and connections.

  1.  Remember what your mother taught you.  When someone is providing you a service or is helping you, don’t forget your manners. Make sure you are giving them your undivided attention at   that moment, actively listen and remember those please and thank you!
  2.  Look people in the eye when you are speaking to them. You may realize how many of us feel uncomfortable looking others in the eyes.  We need to stop dehumanizing people and take a moment to look them in the eyes when interacting with them.  The eyes are the windows of the soul. It is hard to judge someone based on external factors like their job and how they look if we are focusing on their eyes and the radiance and life that shines through. We can connect to people on a whole new level when we appreciate that we are all equal not superior or inferior to anyone.
  3. If you appreciate someone’s service or kindness, make it your intention to tell them. If your server did a remarkable job give them a good tip AND tell their manager. So many times we take for granted when someone does something nice for us or they go above and beyond what they should do. Go beyond the “Thank You” and really express how their actions made you feel. Knowing you made an impression on someone makes that person want to continue to be kind. By you acknowledging their positive qualities you’ll feel amazing and want to be a better person as well. It will begin a circle of kindness and spreading love!
  4. If someone gives you bad service, don’t react with negativity. Stay calm.  We don’t know what’s happening in others life for them to react the way they do. Don’t take the rudeness of others personally. Their actions has everything to do with their own unhappiness which they are projecting to others. There were days that you weren’t having the best day and might have treated people poorly. Don’t justify your poor behavior based on how someone else reacts. The most difficult people need the most kindness to break their pain. Be compassionate to someone who you don’t think deserves it. Not only will you help them, your peace of mind and compassion grows with each kind act.
  5. Learn to say “hi” and smile at strangers. You would be surprised how much it warms your heart to receive a kind smile from an unknown person. It’s almost as good as getting attention from the person you have a crush on. You feel connected and one with them at that moment. You share that moment with someone you don’t know.

So as Americans today I greet you with a warm smile, an outstretched hand or arms to hug and am grateful we are all alive today to be able to wake up,  Breathe in and live each moment as our best selves.