Suicide: No More Hiding

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Do you know someone who feels hopeless? lost? profoundly sad?

Can you find compassion toward them or do you stay away when they begin that journey down the rabbit hole?

Today we lost another celebrity life to suicide.  Anthony Bourdain’s life, Kate Spade’s life, along with countless others who’s lives we have known personally or are one of the many souls living among us, have lived many long and painful days and nights with a terrible secret.  Because their journey on earth took them to international recognition perhaps they and many who came before (Robin Williams, Marilyn Monroe, Ernest Hemmingway), can help to open up a new and stronger concern and awareness for depression, addition, and mental illness. There is not enough dialogue, not enough honesty and not enough systems in place to catch these souls.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline number is Call 1-800-273-8255.  Keep it somewhere easy to share. Ask questions!

What is this secret these people walking among us have? Why do they hold it so close to their chest that it goes unrecognized and undetected until it’s too late? It begins with a seed planted deep in their heart. It grows over time and then one day when they can’t take the suffocating and choking and darkness this overgrown, over cultivated lie has done to them, they search for relief.  This can be poison to “kill it” like drugs and alcohol.  It can be a pursuit of some goal that turns into an obsession which to others looks like fame and fortune and glory only to hid and try and run from it. This seed does not care who you are or where you live.  It seeks the rich and the poor, young and old.  It finds the crack and buries itself there to root and grow.

The seed also has a voice.  The voice tells them they are not worthy, not good enough, undeserving and alone.  How is it you can be in a room full of people yet feel completely alone? How is it you can have all the money in the world yet feel worthless? How is it you can achieve greatness yet feel not good enough? This is the voice they hear.  This is the voice those of us who have never heard and some who have but have managed to not succumb fully to its power need to rise up against.

Our friends, our loved ones, our neighbors and those who we cross path with daily need our attention.  An open heart of love from us shining into their darkness.  We can reach out.  We can ask the questions we may be too uncomfortable or afraid to ask and then we must wait and listen for them to answer.  Our listening is so important!  Our next steps may be alongside them to find help.

As family members, friends, and confidants, we have a responsibility to assist the people we care about. For people who have never seriously contemplated ending their own lives, it is challenging to understand the mind-set of an individual with suicidal thoughts. As the 10th-leading cause of death in the United States according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), however, understanding where suicidal thoughts come from is necessary if we want to help individuals contemplating suicide.

Suicide Prevention Strategies You Can Use

If a family member or friend expresses suicidal thoughts, do not ignore them. They might desperately need your help. Here are a few tactful steps you can take to help a loved one at risk for suicide:

  • Ask questions in a mild and sincere manner.
  • Explain why you are asking questions.
  • Express that your loved one is not alone. Tell them you are there for them and will continue to be there.
  • If the individual is not comfortable speaking with you, suggest a qualified third party such as a therapist, spiritual leader, or doctor.
  • Do not passively tell the person to just call a hotline; lead the person to helpful resources such as suicide hotlines and local mental health associations.
  • Help the person schedule and keep appointments with a mental health professional, even if the individual no longer feels suicidal.

 

All Time Favorite – Photo Challenge

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As a photographer it is hard to choose a “favorite” image.  Personally I have hundreds.  I was sad to read this was the last installment of the weekly wordpress photo challenge.  I have enjoyed seeing so many amazing photos and reading people’s interpretations each week.

I chose this image because whenever I look at it I feel and see so much!  My husband and went to India for the first time in January of 2016.  This photo, shot in Old Delhi, tells a story.  I see this man in a walking meditation, peaceful and contemplative, perhaps deep in thought or maybe without! But even from behind he seems so at ease and at peace.  Around him, the sights and sounds and smells of an old and dirty street.  People doing business, selling and shopping, people on the move making their way to and from a destination. If you dive in and look around the grey-brown dirty street and buildings you catch beautiful colors poking out of shops.  The colors of India!

Thank you for this forum.  I will miss it

Lea

 

Liquid – Photo Challenge

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I thought I would share a couple of “interesting” liquid photos.  Both are from the same wedding I shot in Mexico a few years ago.  The martini was shot with a lens baby and their wedding bands I placed over “ice”  Fun and different don’t you think!

 

 

Firsts

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First impressions

First love

First day of

First born

First (fill in the blank)

What do you feel when you hear “the first?” What comes to your mind? Do you feel happy or maybe hopeful? Or can hearing this make you disappointed or depressed? I believe there are certain words that hold power and “the first” can be among them. If we think about it in terms of the calendar, well, today is May 1st.  The beginning of a new month. Then there is January first which is always celebrated and we even create pressure on ourselves to make resolutions – of which how many do we truly hold true to? I see both sides here. First, we can psychologically give ourselves permission to start over to begin anew with this date as a marker. Then there might be the melancholy of life marching on as the calendar ticks to another new year. We might feel the pressure to list those resolutions and depending on your state of mind, you may either be forgiving of yourself if you break them or let them go or you may beat yourself up and feel less than or worthless.

There are other “firsts” that we encounter too on our journey through life.  Our first lost tooth, our first haircut, our first love or kiss.  Maybe the first is not so gentle or kind; our first tumble off a bike, our first heartbreak or death, our first ticket.  Whatever the “first”, they are markers. We remember them and they live in our subconscious with feelings and emotions surrounding them.  Firsts change the course of our life. Firsts are something new, unique, out of the ordinary — that we have never experienced before.  Small or large, wonderful or painful, each of them has the potential for an equally large impact on your life.

Not only is today May Day, it is also the day my daughter is moving out again. This will not be the first time she has moved out of our home but is will be the first time she is leaving CLEAN.  She moved back in with us a year ago February and while it has not been easy to have her here, it has been comforting for me to see her. My emotions are mixed.  Happiness, worry, frustration are among some of my immediate feelings. I am happy she is making steps to be self sufficient.  I am worried about the added financial burden on us as she does not make enough money without our help.  I am also worried about her ability to function on her own as she has not done this successfully in the past. I am frustrated with myself for not working my own program to keep my boundaries clear and detaching the way I should for my own self-care.

So here is to another “first.” May God bless it.  And may you take time to think about the firsts in your life thus far and maybe what is to come. You know, those things you want to do or change or try. Maybe you can even try one today.

How many things do you think they’ve done for the first time?

Each of our firsts sets us on a different path. It opens our eyes to a new part of the world — or better yet — a new part of ourselves. When we experience something we’ve never experienced before, there is no predicting how it’s going to change us. There is no predicting what it’s going to make us realize that we do (or don’t) want. There is no predicting what direction it’s going to take our life in. So I need to embrace with hope and love and faith in God’s plan that she will move forward with the plan God has designed and so will I.

 

#Beautyfromashes

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Last weekend I was in NYC with two long time girlfriends for some R&R.  I woke up early on Sunday morning, as I always do, even on vacation.  Lying in bed, I opened up my email on my phone and looked at an email time stamped at 5:40 am from my church.  Of course my first thought was maybe I was supposed to serve this morning and did not write it on my calendar and was getting some update on the service for the day.  I was briefly upset with myself that I was going to be a “no show” for communion which I try never to do!

Those thoughts came and went within seconds as I opened the email and began to read the news of our church fire.  I had to read the email a couple of times.  My brain was struggling with this.  Our church?  St. Andrew’s? I have read and seen photos of other churches but this can’t possibly have happened to our church! So once my denial subsided and I accepted that yes, this was indeed, our Ministry Center that had gone up in a blaze, I wept quietly and prayed.

The first photos I saw were of flames shooting up into the dark predawn sky.  It was hard to tell how much of the ministry center was engulfed but it did not look good.  In the light of day, this drone shot told the story.  When you look at this, multitudes of thoughts and feelings stirred within me. While our historic church was untouched by the fire, our ministry center is gone.  I thought about my journey at St Andrew’s over the past 15 years.  I flashed through memories of my son going to youth groups and confirmation. I was reminded of my service at the alter reading the word of God and administering communion.  Alpha and bible studies. Prayer I received over the years for myself and my family. Calling to mind my meetings with Steve Wood, my fearless pastor, who saw me through struggles with my daughter’s addiction and my husband’s alcohol abuse.  Moments in time, happy and difficult.  As Christians we are not promised an easy life when we accept Jesus’ invitation. We are called to serve and be uncomfortable some times.  It is with a heart full of the Fruit of the Spirit that make the times we are brought to our knees in discomfort, sadness and pain that make us warriors for the Cross of Christ.

So what I saw next affirmed that for me because what is NOT gone (as you can see) is so much bigger!  The Lord promised to bring beauty from ashes!  Our wooden cross still  stands untouched by the flames.  In my mind’s eye I can see the mighty host of angels surrounding and protecting it.  Perhaps it was so we could “SEE AND BELIEVE” to offer us a sign that we will be fine as a church and as a community of believers.

 

Isaiah 61:3 “To grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.”

First Peter 12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.

This week we have been updated continuously.  I am grateful to everyone who has had a hand in the recovery this past week.  The firefighters who were quick to act, our vestry and clergy who are working tirelessly to get us up and running again.  Our congregation who stands ready to lend a hand and a home and anything else when needed.

And now with the cross wrapped like our Lord on the Cross, we live the Easter Story for we will rise as Jesus did on the glorious day!

“The Wonderful Cross”

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

 

 

Lines – Photo Challenge

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The Battery Spring 2018
Lea Austen Photography

While I was waiting for a client a few weeks ago I shot this photo of the beautiful park we were meeting in.  This is White Point Garden, or The Battery, located at the bottom of the Charleston Peninsula.  It is a graceful and welcoming place.  Families, tourists, photographers and clients, weddings and surprise proposals, along with the joggers, dog walkers and blanket sitters can be found here.

This week’s challenge had to do with lines.  Like Cheri, I chose a photo where you have the graceful almost whimsical curves of the live oaks nestled around the gazebo with its columns and octagonal shape.  I also love the way the four paths intersect creating the spaces of this garden.

If you ever come to this beautiful city, spending time here is well worth the sit!  If you close your eyes and breath in the sounds and smells you may even be transported to another time.

 

Practicing Non-Attachment

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Practicing Non-Attachment

by Madisyn Taylor

 THIS IS FROM DAILY OM

One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to allow our children to be who they want to be.

Parenting asks us to rise to some of the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment. On the one hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most of us love in a very attached way. On the other hand, it also requires that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we must practice some level of non-attachment. Many parents find this difficult because we love our children fiercely, more than we will ever love anyone, and this can cause us to overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows. Yet truly loving them requires that we set them free.

Attachment to outcome is perhaps the greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the most about the importance of practicing non-attachment. We commonly perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we know what’s best for them, but our children are people in their own right with their own paths to follow in this world. They may be called to move in directions we fear, don’t respect, or don’t understand, yet we must let them go. This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no longer require our guidance. At this point, it is important that we treat them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives. This allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer their offspring –independence.

Letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust in the universe, in the overall meaning and purpose of existence. Remembering that there is more to us and our children than meets the eye can help us practice non-attachment, even when we feel overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere. We are all souls making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the same source. This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace and confidence.

I so needed to read these words!  I hope they help you too

Peace!

 

 

What’s In Your Cup

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I belong to an amazing group of entrepreneurs here in Charleston called Hatch Tribe (#girlboss).  We meet once or twice a month to discuss topics relevant to making our lives and our businesses more authentic and successful.  One of the writers for the blog shared this amazing thought and I just had to pass it on!

What is in your cup?

Imagine this: You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

…You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

Whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you, (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out.  It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves…”what is in my cup?” When life gets tough, what spills over?

Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?

Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and reactions?

You choose!

Awakening – Photo Challenge

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My husband and I recently took a trip to Tucson to visit family.  We chose to add a few days on to the trip to enjoy some time in Sedona by ourselves.  I have always loved Sedona.  Beyond the “mystical” fascination that draws so many to the area, I am in awe of the rock formations, their unique color and the way the landscape changes in every direction.  For this weeks photo, “Awakening“, I immediately thought of this trip and some of the incredible photos I shot.

This one of Cathedral Rock at sunrise gives me chill bumps each time I look at it.  It is like a painting and at the same time has movement and purpose somehow.  Sunrises always draw me in.  Living in coastal South Carolina, we have some amazing sunrises and I take advantage of them.

As you stand in darkness and watch the dawn there is not only a sense of the day awakening, but for me, my own awakening!  It is the spiritual permission to begin fresh and anew that draws me in and draws me to God.

How blessed are we.  There is so much magnificence in nature.  To be present.  To breathe and to awaken our body, mind and spirit each day!

Doubting Thomas; Are you half full or half empty?

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John 20:24-29 New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Appears to Thomas

24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Thomas was a commercial fisherman who grew up around the Sea of Galilee and Jesus called him to be a disciple. For three years Thomas followed Jesus.

I think Thomas may have been a late bloomer and a pessimist. I believe some of Jesus’ followers rejoiced and saw the glass half full, but Thomas saw it as half empty. He was full courage, yet possessed a streak of fatalism. Once, when Jesus and his disciples heard about their friend Lazarus’s death near Jerusalem, the center of Jesus’ opposition, Thomas commented darkly, “Yes, let’s go there that we might die with him.” His words are almost prophetic.

Later in the story, Thomas’ world fell apart. He ran for his life in the Garden of Gethsemane when Jesus was arrested. On Good Friday he watched at a distance as they nailed Jesus to a cross on the Roman killing grounds of Golgotha. And as Jesus’ life drained away, so did Thomas’s hope and belief.

Thomas’ belief was about a relationship. His relationship with Jesus.   When Jesus died on the cross, so too did his relationship with Thomas. Thomas believed Jesus, he gave him his heart and his hope, and that belief couldn’t live beyond the grave.  Unless, that is, Jesus lived beyond the grave, and that is so hard to fathom, that Thomas wanted proof before he handed his heart over to be burned again.

I believe Thomas spent Saturday in shock and then on Sunday (Easter) he spent the day away from his friends.  If I can imagine seeing Thomas, I think he was feeling disillusioned, dazed, hurt, bitter — and probably lashing out.  Finally on Monday morning, the disciples went looking for Thomas so they could share with him what had happened in his absence.

 

Here is what we all know happens next:

“Thomas, we were in that upper room where we’d been meeting. We lock the doors for protection. Yet, all of a sudden, Jesus appears. ‘Peace, Shalom,’ he says. Then he shows us his hands. There are jagged holes where the nails had been. He pulls back his tunic and shows us where the spear penetrated his chest. But he isn’t weak or sick or dying. He is alive, raised from the dead!”

“I don’t believe it,” barks Thomas. “I don’t believe a word of it. You’re seeing what you want to see. Jesus is dead. I saw him die, and part of me died with him. But he’s dead, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you’ll be. Give it up!”

Peter pleads with him. “Thomas, I saw him myself, I tell you, and he was as real as you are!”

Thomas is cold, with an edge in his voice that cuts like ice. “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”

But Thomas’s anger cools, and by the next Sunday evening he is eating with his fellow disciples in the same locked room. Suddenly, Jesus stands among them once again and speaks — “Shalom, peace be with you.”

All the blood drains from Thomas’ face. Jesus turns to him and speaks plainly, without any hint of rancor or sarcasm, “Put your finger here, see my hands.” Jesus holds out his scarred hands for him to examine. Thomas recoils. Not out of fear, really, but from a mixture of amazement and revulsion.

Jesus begins to open his outer garment and says, “Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

Thomas is weeping now and then begins to sob out loud. Jesus reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. Then Thomas slips to his knees and says in awe, “My Lord and my God!”

Thomas, “Doubting Thomas,” as he is sometimes called, is the first disciple to put into words the truth that Jesus is both Lord and God. “Doubting Thomas” utters the greatest confession of faith recorded anywhere in the Bible.

Jesus replies, “Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

What happens to him? Doubting Thomas does not stay a doubter. When he sees the risen Jesus, all that Jesus has taught over the years now clicks in, and to his death Thomas is an outspoken advocate for his Lord.  Church tradition tells us that he preaches in ancient Babylon, near the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, where Iraq is today. He travels to Persia, present-day Iran, and continues to win disciples to the Christian faith.  Finally, Thomas travels to the east coast of India, preaching relentlessly. He is killed near Mylapore about 72 AD, near present-day Madras. Tradition tells us that he is thrown into a pit, then pierced through with a spear thrown by a Brahmin.

He who had so fervently proclaimed his unbelief carried the Christian message of love and forgiveness to the ends of the earth in his generation.

Thomas clearly had fears and doubts.  We all have doubts from time to time, that’s a normal part of living the life of faith, we shouldn’t begrudge Thomas for doubting. What Jesus longs for in this post-resurrection encounter with Thomas is that we all might believe in him by handing over our hearts and our hopes that he might bring them to the fullness of joy. That’s what living an Easter life is all about. That’s what Thomas wanted, he just needed to see it, touch it, experience it before he was willing to risk relationship again.

If we can live this Easter message then we can truly live with the glass half full.